Alex Beadon 0:02
Do you ever feel like you’re trying to balance it all, nourishing your health while growing your business and living a life well lift. And no matter how hard you try, sometimes you slip from purpose driven into autopilot. Take a deep breath, relax, and let’s get you back to where you belong on purpose.
Hello, friends, it is Alex Beadon here and I am so excited because you were listening to episode number one of my brand new podcast called on purpose. I’m so excited that you’re here that you’re listening. Like I said, this is the very first episode. And so in this episode, I really just want to introduce myself, introduce the podcast and then dive into podcast number one. So in this episode, I’m going to be talking to you all about how to deal with your life when you’re working super hard and when to accomplish your goals. It requires a lot of hustle. So I talk about my experience with dealing with that intense hustle season of my life. But before we dive into all of that goodness, I really just want to introduce you to the podcast and really give you a good idea of what it is all about. So I created on purpose as a way to have the types of discussions that light me up the most, I’m someone who really enjoys meaningful conversations, conversations that really get down to the core of who someone is, what matters most to them, and what it is that they are trying to create with their lives. I believe that it is an honor to be alive and breathing here on this planet. And I believe that we all have a responsibility to show up as our best selves. And to leave this planet better than when we found it. I want this podcast to be a part of your weekly routine that really helps fuel you to be that best version of yourself that really helps you think outside of the box see things from a new perspective, and allows you to see what is truly possible for you. The reason why I decided to call it on purpose is because it has a double meaning. Firstly, you know how you can say like, you can do something on purpose like you do it. Purposely you do it with intention, oh, yeah, I did that on purpose, right. And then there’s also on purpose, which means like the actual word purpose, which has more to do with meaning and fulfillment and being aligned with whatever it is that you believe the purpose of your life is, right. So I love that it takes both of these meanings. And it kind of brings them together, both about taking action on purpose, doing something on purpose, like actually choosing your destiny. And then at the same time, choosing a destiny and taking all of those action steps to make sure that they are in alignment with the end result with whatever it is that you want your legacy to be. It’s about thinking big picture enough to make sure that you’re steering your ship in the right direction. And it’s about thinking small picture enough to make sure that you’re actually doing it with intention that you are in alignment with the person and human being that you want to be. So that’s why I decided to call it on purpose. And it really does define the way that I live my life. And the way that I want to show up in the world is both on purpose and on purpose. This podcast has two weekly episodes, you will get a solo episode on the Monday and a guest interview on the Thursday. Now the solo episodes are really just an opportunity for you and me to connect and get to know each other better. So it’s a place for me to really open my doors to what is going on in my life and business to share with you what has been on my mind that week what I’ve been struggling with what’s been awesome. I think that there’s just so much room in this online space for people to be more vulnerable. And for people to be more authentic. And to really share the nitty gritty, it’s so easy to like go on Instagram and look at someone’s highlight reel and be like, Wow, their life is so amazing. I wish I could be more like them. And it’s so much more nourishing to hear that same person have real life conversations about what is legitimately happening in their life at that very moment. That to me, those types of episodes that I listen to where people are really real, honest and authentic. Those are the ones that I learned the most from, those are the ones that I get the most inspiration from. And so I wanted to create a space where I can have those moments with you, my audience, and then the guest interviews are going to be more about you know, someone’s life really getting to know a creator or a business person or whoever it may be not only getting to know them but also deep diving into like what’s worked for them what hasn’t worked for them. Each one of those episodes is really there to help you walk away feeling inspired, motivated and having learned something that you didn’t know previously. For those of you wondering who I am. My name is Alex Beadon. I’ll tell you a little bit about me. I’m a business coach, and I’ve been doing business coaching now for past five years, and I have loved every single second of it. I’m the kind of person who can just get lost in conversation about entrepreneurship, small business, social media, building a brand, online marketing, all of those things really excite me and light me up. And at the same time, I would say, What makes me super different is that I’m also just as passionate about your mindset and about what’s going through your mind, how are you treating yourself, what’s your energy, self care, self love, all of those things, to me are just as important, and are just as much of a piece of the puzzle as the strategic side of things. So in this podcast, you’re definitely going to get a strong mixture of both, you’re going to get the strategy and you’re going to get the energy and the mindset side of things to one day, I will definitely take you through my full life story and tell you all about my career and how I got to where I am today. But really, all you need to know right now at this very moment in time is that I’ve created this podcast, to be someone who is alongside this journey with you. I’ve actually never had a real job ever since I graduated from college back in 2010. I have been someone who has been 100% self employed, which is something that I’m really proud to say. And I think it also just shows how dedicated and committed I am to figuring this entrepreneurial journey out. And it fascinates me how every single business owner that I run into does it differently and makes it work for them. And to me, that’s what is so fascinating about the entrepreneurial journey, especially as we move into a time where we have the internet, we have access to so many tools at such small cost that can really help us leverage our voice, leverage our message, leverage our products and services. So to me, like being alive at this time is such an honor. And I want to create a platform here on the podcast where we can have really interesting conversations that help support you in your journey of entrepreneurship. One of the things that I stand for the most is that it’s not just about the end goal, it’s not just about hitting that profit goal. It’s not just about getting your business to that specific level or being featured in that magazine. It’s about the journey, if you are not enjoying the journey of entrepreneurship, you’re doing it wrong. And so that’s really what this podcast is all about. It’s about being on purpose, doing things strategically. And also making sure that you are in alignment with the legacy that you want to ultimately leave behind. It’s about creating your own version of success, and being able to define that version of success for yourself. And it’s also about learning to make it happen in a way that’s enjoyable. Like I said, it’s all about the journey. It’s not just about that end goal. Like I said, What matters to me just as much as the end result of creating whatever success it is that I want to create in my life and my business. It also matters so much that I enjoy the journey that I create a life that is worth living. And so to me, that’s what the solo episodes are really about. It’s a place for me to really like connect with you and show you the more of the journey and less of like, oh, this is what I accomplished, or this is what I did. I really want to open the doors and be like, Okay, this is what one right? This is what went wrong. Here’s a failure that I experienced this week. Here’s something I struggled with this week, because like I said, like I have learned the most from people who are open and that kind of way where they’re bringing you into more of like the daily behind the scenes thoughts that are actually running through your brain. So I really, really do hope that you enjoy this format. And I’m so excited to just experience the process of this podcast because I know the further we go into this podcast, the more I’m going to learn from you guys what you like, what you don’t like what’s helpful, what’s not helpful. I’m really excited to watch this podcast morph into something that I can say I’m super proud of. And something that you guys can say confidently is a non negotiable part of your week. Like that’s really what I’m trying to create here is an audio experience that guides you that makes you feel aligned. And that makes you feel as though you’re creating something that you can be proud of. So I really hope that this podcast helps support you in not only creating a very successful and profitable business, but also help support you along the journey in the moments where you feel like oh my gosh, what am I doing? Is this the right step? I failed again what is happening? Like that’s what this podcast is for. So I just want to say thank you so much for being a part of this journey with me. This is just the very first episode we have so much more to come. And it is an honor to be here by your side for this journey. Thank you for being here with me. So before we jump into today’s episode, I just want to say a huge thank you for being here with me like for any of you guys listening to this, you were probably my ride or dies and I just want to say I appreciate you guys and love you so much. And I just think it’s so much fun to be on this journey together.
So much of what I do is for you, I have so much respect for you as a person as someone who is a business owner and I know that most of you listening to this are so aligned with everything that I just spoke about, about this podcast, the name of the podcast of just living a life that is on purpose. It is just such an honor to be able to connect with you in this way. And I’m really looking forward to it. Let’s dive in, shall we? Okay, so what has been present for me this week, there’s a lot going on in my business right now. So let me just like get you guys up to speed. I just at the beginning of this year, really focused on launching Grand Slam, which I believe we launched at the end of March, beginning of April. And my goal was to make $60,000. Like, that was what it was that we were aiming for, we ended up making $100,000, right. So we ended up making way more than I was hoping or expecting to make. And it put me in this really interesting position where I was like, okay, like, I need to figure out what I’m gonna do with all of this money and how I’m going to wisely redirected back into my business. Previously, whenever I make large sums of money, to be quite honest with you guys, I just kind of like spread it out over as many months as I possibly can. I just live on it. And like that, just kind of what it has always been like, and now I’m at this point where I’m like, No, I want the business to grow. And in order for the business to grow, I need to reinvest back into the business. So the first thing I did was I got clear on what, what was it that was that I was spending the most of my time on, that was really holding me back from the activities that I love. So I sat down and I wrote a list of like, okay, what are the things that I love doing? What are the things that I could spend all day doing? What are the things that I wish I was spending all day doing? And those that list is really like creative things like I am, I used to be a photographer, guys, that’s how I got into all of this. i My career started off as a photographer. So creativity is so important to me, feeling self expressed is so important to me. So I was like, Okay, I know that I want to spend more time making content, like these, like this podcast, and more videos, and I want to spend more time on Instagram. And I want to spend time like actually connecting to my audience, finding out what it is that they’re struggling with, so that I can be of the highest service to them, right. So like, that was really where I wanted to be spending most of my time. And then when I looked at where I was actually spending my time, it was a very different story. I was spending hours every day just like checking on like, where are we? What needs to get done, and just evaluating like, the priorities of tasks, it was just taking me such a long time. And it’s not my strong point. It wasn’t something I was enjoying, it was something that I was doing, honestly, because it had to be done. So I decided that I was going to add someone to the team. Keep in mind at that point, I already had one full time employee called Katherine. And we had been working together for about a year and you know, had a really good working relationship. And, you know, she’s really in charge of the visual elements. So like the graphics, she’s also in charge of a lot of the behind the scene tech stuff. So I had all of those bases covered, thank God, but I really wanted to bring someone in who could think strategically with me and help me plan and help us basic raise our levels of productivity, and keep an eye on our end goals, where we are what needs to get done. And also fill in any of the blanks like really, this. We’re at the stage in the business where like, there are so many things that need to get done. Every single person on the team needs to be flexible. They need to be able to do multiple things. You’re like when you come and work for Alex bieden you need to be multitalented, right. So I was looking for this perfect person. And immediately the first person that came to mind is my best friend Laura. So to give you the backstory, Laura and I have been best friends since the fifth grade since we were 10, which is insane. We went to the same middle school in Venezuela. And we have been best friends ever since. She actually helped me launch one of my very first courses, online courses, which was called feel good blogging, we launched it back, I believe it was like 2013 2014 that we started working together. And ever since we work together, at that period of time, it was always my dream to hire her because I just realized like, this is someone who I can trust, like hands down not only trust in a way of like, she’s not going to spill my secrets or like that type of trust, but also a type of trust where it’s like, I know that she is not relying on me to to like connect the dots for her. I remember we were launching feelgood logging back in maybe 2020 1420 13. And there was something that needed to get done. And I had forgotten to tell her that it needed to get done. And when I remembered that I forgotten to tell her and I brought it up to her. She was like, Oh yeah, I already took care of that. And that just blew me away. Because I was like, wow, like you’re actually thinking five steps. 10 steps ahead. She’s super organized. She’s really on top of things. And ever since we worked together, back then I was like, Dude, this is the person who I need to bring into my business full time to really help with operations. So fast forward, you know, five years. And here I was making this decision, like, is this an investment that I that I’m ready to make, right. And this is the thing about business that I love so much is that it’s always like this weird mixture between you’re taking leaps of faith, really hoping that things are going to work out the way that you want them to work out. And simultaneously, you have to be strong enough that when you take that leap of faith, and it doesn’t work out, that you’re that you remain unaffected, that you remain grounded, right. So we had the conversation, obviously, I need to pay her a full time salary, she’s like, I don’t know if you can afford me, we had the conversation. She gave me a number that she wanted. And I was like, You know what, it’s a really big number. But I’m gonna go for it. Because I feel like you know, it’s just, it’s not, we’re never like, we need to, we need to jump in at some point, we need to jump in, even if I don’t feel 100% Ready, and we need to figure it out and make it work. So this is Laura’s, I believe this is Laura’s third week working with us, or we might be into week four right now. And it has just been amazing. Like, it’s so nice to have someone who is really super organized, which is something that I’m horrible at. But at the same time, you know, it’s also one of those things where someone doesn’t get used to working with you for like, I would say a good six months, like, it’s not really until that six month mark that you’re out maybe like four to six months where you’re really feeling in flow with someone. So we’re just going through that period of time where we’re getting used to each other getting used to working with each other. And it’s also just really exciting because there is so much that needs to get done in order for us to keep her in the company and in order for us to be able to afford to keep her so because there’s so much that needs to get done. And because we are literally constrained by time, my to do list just feels like it has never been so long. Like I was speaking to Laura. And I was like dude, I feel like ever since you’ve joined, it has just been non stop. And here’s the thing, guys, this is really what I want to speak to you guys about today is that in your business, you’re gonna go through seasons, you’re gonna go through seasons, where it does require you to wake up super early and work almost all night. And you’re going to have to make some sacrifices and not go out to whoever’s birthday party, or you’re going to have to miss some time down the islands, which is something that we do here in Trinidad. Everyone goes on a boat, they go down the islands, it’s basically like you’re on this boat in the middle of the ocean, or sometimes we go to people’s houses. But like, last weekend or two weekends ago, everyone went down the islands. And I was like, Nope, I’m staying at home because I’ve got things to do. And like, when I think about the big picture, right? It’s like, what are you willing to give up the short term sacrifices like, Oh, I’m not gonna go down the islands, which is something that, you know, we do quite regularly and something I’ve done what seems like a million times in my life and something that’s never gonna go away. And something that I can definitely choose to do the next time in exchange for the fact that like, I’m moving forward towards my goal. And I’m actually making things happen within my business that need to happen in order for me to reach that next level. And yes, there always is that next level, but you just have to know that like, okay, for me and my business right now, I’m really setting it up so that I don’t have to be working as hard as I’ve been working. Over the past seven years of running my business, I want to get to a stage where it’s super flexible, and I can decide to take lot days off, etc, etc. But at this stage of my business, it requires a lot of work, it requires a lot of hard work, it requires a lot of focus, it requires a lot of diligence. And that is 100% of what I’m willing to give to it. So it’s weird, right? Because it’s like you want to enjoy your life. That’s why you have your own business. But at the same time, in order for you to get to the next stage to get to the next level, a lot of times it requires you to put in the work. So that’s kind of where I’m at right now. It’s just this period of a lot of focus, a lot of hard work, a lot of laptop time, a lot of learning as well because I’m trying to learn a bunch of new things, really trying to take my business to that next stage where we have Grand Slam set up in an evergreen way so like this week, I’ve been working on Facebook ads I’ve been working on finalizing our evergreen funnel and really not even finalizing it it’s really that I’ve been working on like getting the bare bones of it set up I have to give a big shout out to my girl Amanda bond. If you’re looking for any help with your Facebook ads, she is my go to woman. She’s so knowledgeable in that area. So she’s just been such a great support system for me whenever I have a question I’m just like Amanda
What am I doing wrong? What’s happening and she’s just been super helpful. So I’m very, very grateful for that. But you He has been interesting to, I’ve learned so many new things about Facebook ads. One of them being that when you’re setting up your evergreen funnel, you should start at the end. This is something I learned from Amanda is that you should start at the final phase where it’s like you’re trying to convert sales, right? So you’re targeting the people who visit your sales page, and you’re sending them Facebook ads, so that they remember Oh, yeah, I went to that base. I went to that sales page. And I really did it. I was curious about Grand Slam. And now here are these ads on my Facebook feed that are prompting me to buy Grand Slams like that’s really what I’ve been focusing on this week, along with this launch of this podcast. Like, honestly, guys, I cannot wait until this podcast is live because it has been taking up. So much of my time. It is ridiculous. And again, one of those things where you have to hold space for the fact that like it is quite an annoying thing to have to work on. Especially before it’s live, especially when like, there’s so many different pieces of it that you’re trying to juggle. But at the same time remembering that like this is a long term play like this is not going to be this hectic forever. We’re launching a brand new podcast, we’re trying to get 100 reviews in the first week. So we have goals that we’re trying to accomplish. There’s podcasts that need to be recorded, there’s interviews that need to be edited, the intro had to be recorded. When we did the intro for the first time I hated it. And I was like no, like, I cannot press publish on this. And guys, I’m such like Done is better than perfect person. Like, I’m totally happy to press publish on something, even if I don’t think it’s the best thing ever. Because I realized that my expectations are impossibly high. And it’s just unrealistic. So like I’d much rather just press published and sit on something because it’s not perfect. But the first intro, I honestly hated it, I was like, this cannot be the intro to on purpose. Like, we have to have to have to redo this. So we edited the the intro, it sounds way better. Now. Now it’s at least at a place where I’m like, okay, I can put my name on this and feel proud about it, which is great. The important thing for me during this time has just been remembering to take care of myself, because I think when you’re working so hard, it’s really easy to get into a bad state of mind, where you’re just constantly being hard on yourself and be like, Oh, you didn’t get this done. You didn’t get that done. Whenever I’m in a period of of a lot of hard work compassion, showing myself compassion. And kindness is like rule number one, like, anytime a negative thought comes into my mind, I’m like, Nope, that is not allowed. It’s like you have a body guard, you know, like your whole body guard at the very front of your mind. Any thought that comes in, you’re like, let me judge whether you’re worthy of really believing because just because a thought comes in does not mean that it has any validity, right. So it’s really about choosing which thoughts you want to believe. So that’s been a really big theme for me this week. Also, just doing my best to take care of myself, make sure that I’m well fed, make sure that I’m well watered. One way that I did that is we’ve started ordering meals from someone so she drops off lunch for me every single day. And also giving myself time to do things that aren’t productive. I’m putting productive in air quotes. Because if I look at something that I would normally consider unproductive, not that I would consider unproductive what society might consider unproductive. So like cooking, I love to cook like I find it so therapeutic. I think it’s it’s just a really nice way to connect with myself. It feels like I’m serving myself, it feels like a self love practice for me. But it takes me like two hours to cook and make a meal and eat and then clean up. And it definitely takes a huge chunk out of my day. But I look at that as a commitment to myself. And I’m like, Okay, if I can cook a meal for myself once or twice a week that would make me feel really taken care of. And it would it would give me space to relax and just completely disconnect from work. And actually, that is productive. So for me during this busy period, it’s not necessarily about like working nonstop, but it’s about being as productive as possible. So it’s about getting in bed at the end of the night. And When Nick is like, hey, let’s watch. What are we watching? Billions when he’s like, Hey, let’s watch billions tonight. It’s about having the the wisdom to be like, You know what, if we’re going to watch millions, it’s probably going to take like an hour to finish an episode. Which then means that I’m going to sleep an hour later, which then means when I wake up early tomorrow, I’m not going to feel my best. So you know what tonight, let’s not watch billions because I need to get my sleep. And that’s really important for me tonight. Another great example is like going for walks. Me and Nick are starting to have a commitment with each other where we go for walks like once in the morning once in the evening, like twice a week, right? So we’re starting really slow because he’s he had took a lot to be like, Hey, let’s go for a walk. I don’t think it’s on the top of any of our lists. Like we’re both such highly productive people. It doesn’t feel like the most productive thing in the world to go for a walk and then you start to realize that yeah, it is super productive because number one you’re getting in like a light workouts You don’t have to do like a run in order for it to be productive, you can go for a light walk. And if that’s productive for your body, it’s movement movement is good, right movement is good for the brain, which means that it’s good for my business, it’s good for taking care of me. So that’s good. It’s also great for our relationship. Because we get to talk to each other and catch up in a situation where we’re not distracted by other people. We’re not distracted by our phones. So like, you could look at that. And for the longest time, I know both of us did, where it was, like, we want to go for a walk together. But man, we got so much going on. Like, we’ll just kind of put it off this week, we made a plan where like, Okay, on whatever day, it was Tuesday evening, we’re gonna go for a walk. And Tuesday evening came around, and I had so much work to do. And I was like, gosh, the last thing I want to do is go for a walk, I really just want to sit here and finish my tasks. And then I was like, you know, what, Okay, step back. Is this productive? And the answer is like, Yes, this is productive. Like, even though it’s taking me away from my work, I probably need a break. Because I’ve been working all friggin day long since early o’clock, right? So to me, that’s like the beauty. And the fun part of being in this space is getting to be in that position of leadership with myself where I get to make those decisions about what is productive, and what’s not productive. And sometimes it’s not what society would say it’s productive. But you know, what society’s version of productive, could not interest me any less, I know that if I don’t take care of myself. And if I’m not getting enough sleep, and if I’m not moving my body, and if I’m not meditating and taking care of my mind, I know it’s going to negatively affect my work, I know I’m going to burn out, I know it’s gonna seep through into everything I do in a negative way. So that’s why for me, it’s just super important, make those decisions. What I’m most excited for this week, because I’m recording this on a Friday, this is going to go live on the Monday. So when you’re listening to this, Laura is actually going to be coming to Toronto, to Laura lives in New York, New York, New York. Laura lives in New York. And we decided that, you know, since she’s new to the team, it’d be really beneficial for her to come down, visit Trinidad for a few weeks, see what it’s all about. And for, it’s just to like to get us to come together and really get aligned in the business to allow her to meet Katherine. I think it’s just it’s such an exciting time in the business. And there’s so much work involved, we’re we’re like really powering through to get as much finished as possible. I just thought it’d be like, soul food for her to come and visit and for us to get to be together. Like I said, she’s also my best friend. So like, it’s not just good for business, it’s good for my heart. It’s good for personal reasons. And so yeah, she’s going to be coming on Monday, which I’m so excited for. Not only I’m excited to see her, but I’ve also ordered all of this new equipment guys, IG TV went live last week, right? I’ve been putting out an IG TV video every single day that is live, which I’m super proud of. I’ve been doing a lot of repurposing of old content, but what I really want to get into is creating fresh content specifically for IG TV. But I didn’t really have the right gear, because a lot of my gear is heavy stuff like stuff that I I could put this camera on a tripod, and it would do a really great job. But I’m not going to bring this camera out and about with me, without really thinking about it. Because it’s heavy, it’s cumbersome, it’s just not comfortable. The more you guys listen to me talk, the more you’re going to realize I’m all about flow. And I’m all about ease. And I’m all about things just like I said flowing and being easy. So I bought a bunch of new equipment. And I’m so I’m really excited because she’s going to be bringing it all down with her when she comes. So that’s going to be amazing. And then also today, finally, our Facebook ads were approved for that final stage of like getting the sales, right, because remember, I told you like Amanda bond has me working backwards. So we’re working at the sales part first, where we’re targeting people who have visited the sales page, and we are sending them sales messages. So like, for example, right now we have four videos. One is a what is Grand Slam, another one is Grand Slam for you. Another one is a testimonial. And another one is basically an alive that I did where I answered people’s questions about Grand Slam, right. So I was like, let’s start with these four and kind of see how it goes. So those are currently live, we’ve had our first sale of the day. So that’s super exciting. So I’m just really excited to see like, how are the Facebook ads actually going to turn out? What’s gonna work, what’s not gonna work. And like I said, guys, like, I’m really here creating these podcasts, to share what’s happening behind the scenes and to share the lessons that I’m learning. Because I wish that someone was doing this. Like for me, you know, like, I think it’s really cool to share these types of things. I don’t think it makes you any less of a business owner, like Yeah, I’m still trying to figure all this stuff out or I’m trying to grow in this way. I’m trying to grow in that way. No one ever gets to a stage where they’re like, Okay,
my bet is good. Like, I’m done, right? There’s always a next level of growth. So I think having these conversations is really important, and it’s something that I want to do. So yeah, I’ll be sharing that with you next week. Hopefully I’ll have a little bit more insight into how the Facebook ads have been going, what’s been working, what hasn’t been working and what my big lessons have been. And yeah, I would say that those are the things I’m really looking forward to next week. Okay, my friends, that is the end of episode number one of on purpose. Thank you so much for being here with me and for listening all until the very end. Please take a moment to send me a message on my Instagram. You can find me at Alex beaten and let me know what did you think of this first podcast episode? And what did you like? And what would you like to hear more about? These solo episodes are really just completely freestyle. Like I have not planned anything. I’ve really just kind of like let my mental chatter flow out of my mouth. And I like I said, I wanted to be very open and honest. But your feedback matters to me because I do want it to be valuable for you. And I want you to be able to walk away and be like cool, like I learned this or I can implement that or like I’m going to shift my mindset in this way. I want it to inspire you, motivate you get you in the right place, the right frame of mind. Thank you so much for listening and I will talk to you guys again next time. Bye. Thank you so much for tuning into the on purpose podcast and I really hope that you had as much of a blast as we did. If you liked what you heard and want even more make sure you leave a review because it really helps support what I do here on the podcast. All you have to do is search the podcast app for the on purpose podcast, select it then scroll down until you see write a review and then type away at the beginning of the next episode. I will be picking one review one special review My favorite review of the week and I will be reading it out for all of you guys so you definitely don’t want to miss out on that. I hope you really enjoy your week and I will see you guys again next time stay on purpose.