It’s 5:58pm and I’m sprawled across my sister’s couch in London, laptop on my lap, typing … as you can tell.
I’ve got Beyonce’s new album playing in the background. (my biggest marketing inspiration at the moment, by the way).
I’m thinking. hard and heavy. as usual.
I’ve got some time to pour my heart out before we go for dinner, so here it goes.
It’s the first week of 2014, and while I’m feeling pumped and inspired for this brand new year, I’m also feeling a hell of a lot of pain over the year that’s just past.
And before I dive into this post I just want to say that sometimes it’s OKAY to be mad at yourself. It’s OKAY to want more for yourself. It’s OKAY to feel shitty about 2013. It’s OKAY to feel like you could’ve done better. It’s HUMAN to feel that way.
Even though it all sounds negative, even though it may all feel negative, I have to look at it as a very positive thing to be able to look back at a year and say “hey – it wasn’t my best year ever … but I learned a lot.”Â
For me, 2013 was a year full of total growth and evolution, while feeling totally stuck in place.
My BIG goals for 2013? None of them happened. There was too much change in the in-between for them to ever take place.
To be known and loved as “Alex Beadon the photographer” put me in such a box. I hate boxes. I couldn’t stand the stillness of it all.Â
I’m an artist. I want to express myself to this beautiful, magnificent and diverse world in more ways than just photography.
2013 was the year I struggled with that transformation. To give something up that I thought defined me, something I thought would be “forever”, and to fall out of love with the one thing I loved more than anything was like a devastating breakup.
And I knew it was coming. I knew the brilliance was coming. I knew there were things in life that I wanted to do that would make me come alive again, that would allow me to feel that magical joy again. Something that would give me back all of the happiness I had lost from my photography.
And yet, 2013 had to happen. Evolution doesn’t happen overnight. Everything takes time. I don’t regret the stillness. It just sucked.
Like a caterpillar that turns into a cocoon. All it dreams about is breaking free, spreading it’s new Butterfly wings.
All I dreamed about was the point where this “transformation phase” would be over, when I could break free and spread my own new Butterfly wings.
The truth is, I was heart broken. I wasn’t ready to break free.
And so I waited. And I wondered …
When would I be ready? When would everything be perfectly planned and perfectly organized? When would all of the right things fall into place?
And I think this very feeling is what holds so many of us entrepreneurs back from moving forward. Overthinking things, waiting on perfection.
But you know what?
I’m tired of waiting for perfection.
And I know I won’t be able to fully spread my butterfly wings until I start taking conscious actions to break out of this comfortable cocoon.
I’m so sick and tired of reading business books and overanalyzing every piece of advice as to how it concerns my business. I’m so sick and tired of hearing about what I “should” and “should not” be doing. I’m ALEX BEADON. I’m gonna do what I, deep in my heart, feel to be right. Because my heart has never lead me wrong creatively before, I have to trust it knows what it’s doing.
So this is me, diving into my NEW expression of creativity here on my brand new website.
Something heavy on my mind lately? I spend too much time creating for my audience and too little time writing for myself. That’s what these new blog posts will be all about – writing just for me. So that I can look back in five years time and see where I was at, and how I was feeling, and what I was going through.
And you know what? All of my best and most loved pieces were the pieces I created for myself. There’s a beauty in creating for yourself, Â no?
So all of these upcoming personal creations within my business? I have a feeling they’re going to be exactly what my audience needs more of: HONESTY. INSIGHT. LOVE.
You have enough people giving you advice. And while I’m happy to keep giving it, I think what we all really need more of are heart-to-hearts.
These personal blog posts are a part of my journey, and hopefully they will help you with yours, too. We’re all in this together. You have dreams. I have dreams.
I hope you find a safe place here. I hope together we attract people who are POSITIVE and PASSIONATE and ENCOURAGING. People who believe in living from a place of LOVE instead of fear. People who believe in the importance of their own creativity, even if it means breaking the rules. People who believe in breaking free from their comfortable cocoons.Â
I hope you enjoy the first few signs of my transformation as a creative. I know I will.
With love, hope, and positivity,
Alex
xoxo
P.S. I would love to read a comment from you. So go on, you know what to do.
I love that you shared your honest thoughts. I was feeling the very same about my 2013 and to hear you had similar feelings brings a sigh of relief for me. I can’t wait to read more about your journey this year. 🙂
Danielle
Missglamdan.com
Hey Danielle!
Thanks for leaving a comment 🙂 Glad that you were able to relate to this post and I’m so excited to get more real and personal here on the blog with you. Off to check your site out!
Big hugs and here’s to an even better 2014! 🙂
xoxo
Oh my…I can feel you, sista 😉 I feel exactly the same about 2013…stuck..and I’m glad it’s a new year and a new beginning..changes…returned energy..hope 2014 will be good for both of us! 🙂
xoxo Sandra
Sandra! Thanks for the comment 🙂 New year, new changes and SO READY to make it happen. Big love to you and I’m wishing you major success in 2014. You’ve got this!
I’m in England toooooooo.
In 2013 i never even tested any of my biz ideas because I overanalysed them resulting in me thinking they were bad and eventually giving up on them. For 2014 I’m going to put this stuff in to practice!
Dylan – looks like we’re in the same boat! Analyzing things can be good sometimes, but there is DEFINITELY such thing as overanalyzing leading to a huge feeling of paralyses. Just look at it as your “cocoon” time and START putting your ideas into place TODAY! I believe in you! xoxo
I am already loving where your new ventures are heading… 2013 wasn’t the best year for me either, I made ultimately zero of my goals, but as artists I think we tend to look past our “best efforts” and focus too intently around what we need to improve. I love that you draw inspiration from others, but even more so than you’re learning to trust your own heart and creative instincts! Can’t wait to see how 2014 goes for you!
Chelsea, I can’t tell you how much your sweet words mean to me. Thank you so much for the love and support! Glad that we both had a year of “cocooning” in 2013, and that we’re both ready to make these dreams a reality in 2014. May this be OUR year to truly SHINE! You are awesome, and I’m so thankful to have you here! Thank you! xoxo
Sounds exciting! Looking forward to reading your future posts 🙂
Thank you, Katherine! 🙂
You go girl!!! I have spent 2013 learning, and growing, and finding my way. I am now HERE. I’m ready. Thanks to you as a matter of fact! I’m stepping out of my comfort zone this year!! I’M SCARED!!! LOL! But it feels so right! Good luck to you Alex! And congrats to you for taking more time to focus on what makes YOU happy!
Kori! I am THRILLED that you are now HERE and READY! Let’s both claim 2014 as our year to make things happen and most importantly to take action! We’ve got this 🙂 Big hugs to you and I’m so thrilled that I’m not the only scared one! I always say – if your dreams aren’t big enough to scare you, they aren’t big enough! So take the fear as a GOOD sign 🙂 You rock and thank you so much for this awesome comment! BIG HUGS xoxo http://instagram.com/p/ir3h2pBn6A/
I’m SO there too. Last year was filled with stuckness and the blahhhs. I might just have to open up more about this too…we aren’t alone in what we feel. Thanks for telling me the truth that this is just a step to true transformation <3
Bethany, I’m so glad that I’m not alone in this feeling surrounding 2013. It’s so inspiring to hear from others who feel the same and even more of a gigantic push to make 2014 brilliant together. Let’s do this! 🙂 xoxo
I feel so stuck too. I feel stuck in my photography and that it all looks the same and isn’t ever what I’d hoped it was. I need to learn so much more about photography and I’m stuck not learning it. I spent a lot of time in 2013 sitting and doing nothing and waiting around for nothing to happen. I hope to be proactive and try and find passion in my life again. If it’s not photography maybe some other art. I like reading your blog posts. :3
Hey Valerie, GIRL do I feel your pain surrounding 2013! I have to try and look at it as a “cocooning” period, because evolution doesn’t happen overnight, so I hope you can look at it that way for yourself, too, so that it feels like something positive for you instead of something negative. Remember – sometimes the most important thing you can do when you feel stuck is know that “Imperfect action beats inaction EVERY time.” – Harry Truman Make 2014 the year you take LOTS of action, you can do it! <3 xoxo
This was most excellent timing. I have, all week, been frustrated and unable to post anything new because deep down I just keeping thinking I’m over it and should throw in the towel – even though that’s not what I really want. I am just so overwhelmed with all the advice givers, and the you shoulda and you musts. It makes my head spin and rather than share my work from a truly excited and inspired place I am following this checklist of items thinking if I forget one thing it’s all for naught. That’s not true. I need to get back to basics and keep my heart (the thing that drives my art) on the table. Good, bad, AND the ugly. In the end, it’s my business – no one else’s. Thank you for your honesty. It’s refreshing.
Btw – I’m just hitting enter and not re-reading this to avoid trying to perfect my honest response. Typos and all – it’s there.
Rachel, I’m glad this found you at the right time, your comment found me at the right time, too! It’s great to feel heard and understood because I’ve been struggling this week, too. That’s why I HAD to write this and get it off my chest, so I’m glad you were able to relate and so thankful you took the time to leave a comment. Reading the comments makes writing these posts so much easier 🙂 If throwing in the towel is not what you really want, then DO NOT GIVE UP! Remember this fabulous quote from Harry Truman … “Imperfect action beats inaction every time” It doesn’t matter if it’s “perfect” or not because the truth is, it NEVER will be, and I truly believe that the imperfections are what makes something all the more wonderful and beautiful. Share your work from a truly excited and inspired place and keep your heart on the table. I’ll be doing the same. So glad to have connected with you on this! Big love to you xoxo
Hi! I am tracey and i am addicted to business books! {lol}. I seem to be paralyzed by this fear that if I stop reading i am going to miss that one crucial piece of info that will change everything in my business. This year for me too has been rough and disappointing but in a month i am throwing caution to the wind, quitting my day job and perusing coaching full time. It’s nuts really, but i feel like the more i cling to this idea of the right time and place and knowledge i will live behind a wall of fear so big that the world will never see me.
it’s amazing how the timing is on this for me. i am in a coffee shop working on branding and creating another web-page for a new project and feeling excited and insecure, and doubting everything. i keep coming back to this honesty question. so much so that i am questioning even my name. Alex is actually my nickname {and confirmation name} and the one i answer to more easily, but i was afraid to use it in my business and i have no idea why. i think that it was more “me” and I have been so afraid to just be honest. i wanted to portray this “put together” “professional” “she looks like she does her taxes on time” kinda person and that’s not always me, but what i am finding is that the more people are honest and real, the more i am drawn to them.
i always see you as someone so together and amazing and there is this breath of fresh air in this blog post that is giving me great inspiration to just go out there and be me.
thank you thank you thank you for all that you do, are trying to do and inspiring a community of like minds to all get there together!
I know that 2014 will be everything you want it to be and more! You ROCK!
Tracey!
Thanks so much for your wonderful comment. I’M ADDICTED TO BUSINESS BOOKS, TOO! You are not alone 🙂
A huge YES for feeling the fear and doing it anyway! Doubt, fear, insecurities – they will always be there, but we need to do our best as creatives to just dive in. Leap and the net will appear, right?
When it comes to making biz decisions, I always say that going with your gut is more often than not the best bet! If you feel more “you” as Alex, then be Alex and rock it out! PEOPLE LOVE REAL PEOPLE! That’s the truth right there, and that’s what I’m embracing more of this year, as you can tell 🙂
I’m so glad that you were able to take inspiration from this post, and so glad that it encouraged you to push boundaries when it comes to how honest you are with your audience and in your business. Honesty is the best policy.
THANK YOU for this comment, it made me feel so much less alone, and so excited by this awesome community here on the blog. You rock!
Here’s to an incredible 2014 for both you and I 🙂
With love,
Alex
xoxo
Very excited for your new journey Alex. I am very happy to hear that we’ll not only be still getting great business advice from you, but some heart-to-hearts, as well. xo Ali
Thank you, Ali! <3
Thing is, you’ll look back on 2013 in a few years time and be surprised at how much you achieved. And keep it up with the personal posts. Not only is it a great outlet for you, clients like to get to know how their suppliers think, right? 😉
And thanks for the videos. I’ve had such a kick up the arse in the past week that I’ve felt more positive than ever before. And mainly due to a few minutes with you.
Thank you!
Ian, it’s so true. I know I have a lot to be grateful for in 2013 and that a lot did happen, but it was definitely more of a still, transitional year. SO glad that you’re loving the videos and that they’re helping to make you feel more positive. A positive perspective is so important in life! LOVE IT! Big hugs and THANK YOU for the comment!
Hi Alex. That was a really relieving post to read. for a few moments I wondered if i had actually written it. I too ended up walking away from photography in 2013 and throwing in the towel and closing the business and my website i spent so long on. I am still totally flummoxed and like you, heart broken and confused. I still want to have creativity in my life and feel terrified that this move will mean me being stuck in a menial poorly paid office job until I retire knowing that I had the potential to do so much more. Because my photography has ended my husband is now pushing me to get a full time job again to make up for the shortfall, and I know realistically we need me to do this, but I am dragging my heels as it feels like once I do this I have officially given up on creating a life and a business for myself and will never escape again. I have such BIG plans for a biz but am stuck at the first financial hurdle and just dont know how to get it off the ground. Am going to keep chipping away and do everything else for it I can and then take this leap again. Battling with the fear.Thanks for this. New blog looks sleek.. Hope 2014 starts to fall into place for both of us. xx
Hi Alex! I just wanted to say that I really appreciation your opening up and sharing with us the struggle of “breaking up” with photography. I decided toward the end of last year that I wanted to leave wedding photography, and it’s been such a difficult transition because I, too, have felt defined by my wedding photography business. I feel like it’s who I am, who I am expected to be, and to leave it is somehow a disappointment to myself and the people around me… Even though I KNOW I don’t want to do it anymore. Right now, I’m still in the transformation phase. Still trying to see which direction my love for photography is going to take me… it’s still there, but it’s just grown into something different, and I don’t know what that is yet. So here’s to 2014 being a year of discovery, I guess? 🙂
But seeing that other (former) photographers, business owners, and artists go through the same thing makes the break up infinitely less lonely. Thank you, and I hope 2014 is a year of beautiful and inspiring l transformation for you and your business! I can’t wait to continue to hear more about it!
Thank you for your honesty Alex! sending hugs from me to you. 2013 was a crap year for me too, i have never in my life struggled as much as i did in 2013. I fell apart emotionally and physically in 2013 and for once had to stop taking care of everyone else and focus on me! In doing that i found out who my friends really were, where my support structure was at and my limits. Its okay to think about yourself every once and awhile, sometimes in life we get waaayyy to caught up thinking about others that we don’t realize we are falling apart in the meantime. I can guarantee you that by being more honest with yourself and your needs that these are things that many others are struggling with and it turn you will inspire and help people in the process. Looking forward to seeing whats ahead!
I love it Alex! You’re being true to yourself and it’s ok that it took
you some time to get there. It’s the journey, not the end right? 🙂
I think growing your business goes in phases. Some phases you feel like
you’re conquering the world and other phases you feel like “What the
crap was all that wasted time and energy about”. Each of these seasons is a step forward though. It’s a journey of
finding yourself and what you contribute and then finding the people who
connect with that and how you can monetize that. The goal is just to
keep at it. Keep it up!
Wow, That took a lot of courage. I feel like yo Alex. I have been spinning my wheels for 4 years. learning heaps about the internet marketing business but not going anywhere. I feel inside myself that 2014 is my year to shine, so I am working my butt off to make it happen. I am glad I have come across your helpful posts. Thankyou for your inspiration.
I LOVE this post. Thanks for being so honest. 2013 was a transitional year for me too. I started it loving my new found passion for helping women in their Quarter Life Crisis. Towards the end, I was out of love with it. What’s next? We shall see. I am embracing the “in-between”.