It’s been so long since I wrote a personal blog post, it almost feels foreign to me to open up to you in a way that’s this personal. But I’m ready for this.
Here’s the truth: I have felt so lost over the past year.
When I graduated from university, all I wanted to do was become a professional photographer. And as my dreams finally started to take shape in reality, I found myself slowly but surely losing interest.
The one thing that had the power to move my soul in ways that still remain completely indescribable, the one thing that showed me the real meaning of passion, the one thing that taught me that it is possible to do what you once thought was impossible fell out of my life almost as soon as it came in.
And what do you do when you fall out of love with something you used to feel so connected to, defined by, and passionate about?
I’m the type of person who likes to think things through, a million times if I have to. I like to micromanage dangerously to a fault. I’m a habitual to-do list maker, a goal-setting addict. I wanted to figure it out. Where did my passion for photography go, and most importantly, how could I get it back?
I read books on creativity. I took time off. I forced it. I didn’t force it. I talked about it. I asked other creatives for advice. I tried to get back to my inspiration. I tried to revive my passion but it seemed the more I searched for it, the quicker it fell through my hands, and after everything was said and done, I was left … with nothing.
I could not look at my camera without feeling resentment. I couldn’t even pick it up to take a picture.
Instead of the passionate photographer I used to be who was never seen without her camera, I became the photographer who ironically was never seen with her camera.
And I know I’m sounding dramatic. But for anyone who has ever experienced a similar case of disappearing passion you’ll know that it’s no less painful and no less dramatic than a devastating breakup.
I expected a life-long, passionate photography career … and suddenly the passion was gone. Poof. Just like that.
And after months and months AND MONTHS of trying to revive my desire to take a picture, it hit me like a brick wall.
A quiet voice in the back of my mind, getting louder and louder as time went on was saying ..
“You aren’t meant to have it back. Look – you want it back so badly, and it’s not here. Obviously, it’s not meant to be. It taught you what you needed to know. Now move on with yo’ bad self.”
So I did.
I moved on.
From my camera.
From what we once had together.
Because it’s gone.
And it no longer exists…
So I started to just be and do whatever I wanted to be and do. I stopped feeling guilty about the lack of photo shoots. I started reading more about topics that truly interested me instead of wasting time reading up on how to revive my passion.
I focused on the new things I could feel passionate about creating instead of on the things I no longer felt passionate about creating.
The irony in all of this?
When I first started out in photography I always felt like I should have been out in the world getting a “real job”. It was exhilarating to follow my passion by becoming a professional photographer, yet totally heart-wrenching as each step of the way was done so in anticipation as to whether or not it would actually work.
The irony is that I’ve been trying to hold onto photography so much, feeling that it’s what I “should” be doing, that I’ve lost that sense of exhilarating, heart-wrenching passion that I once had when I was chasing my dream of being a professional photographer.
And that’s what I crave: the exhilarating, heart-wrenching passion.
I’ve finally realized that my goal was never to be a photographer, it was simply to follow my passion and be able to make a living from it at the same time. Because that’s where true happiness lies.
So where do I find my current exhilarating, heart-wrenching passion?
I mean, is it that hard to tell? If you look back at all of my Chatty Tuesday videos you’ll see that slowly but surely they started to move away from photography and started leaning deep into business. I’ve covered how to use Pinterest for business, how to make your business buzzworthy, 8 common online mistakes you should avoid, how to keep your customers happy, 7 signs your sales page sucks. You get the picture.
As my passion for photography died down, my passion for marketing and branding sky-rocketed.
Here’s the thing: I know what it’s like when you’re just starting out with your amazing idea to be a professional photographer, or to start your own jewelry line, or to be the go-to graphic designer.
I remember waking up in the mornings wondering if starting my own business was the right thing to do or not. Do you know what I mean? Have you ever been there?
That was the heaviest part for me. Because wouldn’t it be sad to waste all of that time building a photography business if it ended up being a total failure? Wouldn’t it be the most embarrassing thing to fail so triumphantly?
When I first started my business I was making no money, I had no prior experience, and I had so many moments of immense confusion, my brain drowning in “what if’s”, tears and tears and tears of worry and doubt. It sucked.
After being an artist who struggled to make enough money to move out of her parents house, to being an artist who’s been able to not only move out on her own, but make enough money to live comfortably, travel, and splurge from time to time, I know what it takes to move your business from a level of struggle to a level you can be proud of.
And I want to help more people reach success in their businesses.
Because when your business is a success, when it’s making you enough money to pay ALL of your bills? It’s the most amazing feeling of freedom, and every single person with a dream who’s passionate about making it a reality? They deserve to win.
I’ve realized that my current passion lies in sharing the knowledge that I wish I had when I first started out as a photographer.
It’s all about helping beautiful creative souls learn the ins and the outs of marketing and promoting their businesses online so that they can create an environment for themselves that allows them to thrive.
So I’m here. I’m ready to step back into my greatness. I’m ready to shine and I’m ready to put an end to feeling so lost. I’m not defined by photography. I’m defined by passion, and as long as I follow my passion, I’ll always be happy.
So, my friend, watch this space. I have some awesome things in store that I know you’re going to love. I can’t wait to start down this new journey with you!
P.S. Leave a comment, I’d love to hear from you!